2016

In a few hours a lot of people will be very happy that 2016 has finally passed. According to my Twitter newsfeed, everyone has had a pretty tough year. People are quite disturbed by the events that have occurred throughout the year (Brexit, Trump, Syrian refugees, Zika virus, various attacks and shootings, many icons passing away etc.) and have been left in hopes that 2017 will be a much better year. I am actually one of those people who have high hopes for the next year (maybe not so much in regard to the global scale events, but more so in relation to my personal growth and achievements).

2016 has been the most challenging year of my life. I've had so many ups and downs this year, but I guess that's what happens when you are transitioning from a teenager into an adult. I'll try to summarise my year without getting in to too much detail, because later on in the New Year I want to make separate posts on some of the experiences I had this year. 

The year started on a really good note. I turned 20 in February and for my birthday my husband and I went to Latvia for 3 days. I hadn't been in my home country for almost 4 years, so it was really nice to see my extended family. Less than 2 weeks later I got married. Although we didn't have a wedding, it was still an amazing day that I will cherish for the rest of my life. 

Thereafter, everything just went sour. Although, I wasn't really in my own skin before the year started, I became very anxious and I completely lost all my confidence. As mentioned in my previous post, I stopped attending Uni. It was hard for me to leave the bed. I didn't have any love for myself anymore. I couldn't make myself do basic daily tasks such as brushing my teeth or my hair. I lived off 2 minute meals. My husband was working very hard and at times I would only see him once a week which was very tough on both of us. I felt very lonely. My husband didn't really know what was going on with me. Around April I looked at the grades I got for my assignments and I was ashamed. I realised that living the way I was is not ok. I talked to my husband and we looked at the ways we can solve the problem. I went to see my Personal Academic Tutor and requested to retake the academic year. As I mentioned earlier my husband was working very hard because we had a few financial goals. One of the goals was to furnish our apartment in South Africa. Despite everything, we managed to buy all the furniture, as well as ship everything from the UK to South Africa in the space of 6 months. I'm very proud of that.

At the begging of June, my husband and I went to Latvia again for 2 weeks and it cleared my head a lot. It made me realise that I need to get my life back on track. I went to have a couple of blood tests done, had my lungs and my heart checked. Everything was fine. However, the tests revealed that my thyroid gland is becoming underactive. It made my husband and I very upset, because one of my doctors told me that problems with the thyroid gland can affect the development of a baby's brain in case I become pregnant. It was another blow to the head, because I really want to have kids later on in life. I also went to see a surgeon because since the age of 13 I've wanted a breast augmentation. I found out that my ribs are actually slightly deformed which made one of my breasts look almost non-existent. 3 weeks later I went back to Latvia for my surgery. I finally achieved one of my biggest dreams and for that I'm forever grateful to my husband. The surgery went super smooth. However, the recovery was quite rough, because my implants are placed under the muscle which prolonged the recovery and made it a lot more painful. I'm very happy with how they came out though and it has boosted my confidence a lot. Whilst recovering I had the chance to catch up with my family which was lovely. I came back to England in September. I felt refreshed and like I'm ready to finally take action to sort my life out. Sadly it wasn't as easy. My husband and I almost ended our relationship. We decided to spend some time apart to reevaluate ourselves and us as a couple and although it hurt a lot, it made us a lot stronger and we are now happier together than ever. He quit his demanding job, and I have him around every day which makes me very happy and helps me to stay motivated to get better. I got back to Uni in October and so far I'm very proud and happy with my progress. At the beginning of December I had 2 examined presentations on the same day which was ridiculously stressful for me, but I managed to get a 1st and 2:1 which proved me that I can do this. It now acts as my motivation for 2017 to keep the good grades up and just set my mind to what I want, because I can make it happen. The same week also marked a year since I quit smoking.

Reading over this summary and adding on the other things I went through besides what I've mentioned, I can definitely say that I have achieved a lot this year. I may have had those downs, but they have helped me to take charge of my mind and not let my demons absorb me.

At the begging of the year I felt like I had lost myself completely, but now I can say that I never really was myself before. Only now, I'm finally shaping into who I am supposed to be. I learnt a lot from my mistakes and they are guiding me to become a better person and to achieve my goals.

I encourage you to reflect back on your year and see what you've achieved/learned. I also hope 2017 will make you filthy rich. Rich in adventure, in health, in knowledge, in laughter, in family and most importantly love.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

-A

Retaking a year at university

Before I begin, I just quickly wanted to mention that I was surprised that people are actually interested in reading my blog, especially because it's focusing on my life rather than my interests. Although, my goal is not to have followers or lots of views on my blog, it is still satisfying to know that there are people who want to read my blog, so thank you.

Anyway.. today I just want to blog about some of my university experiences/struggles and come clean about something that I have been quite ashamed to admit.

I started university in 2014 and this should be my last academic year before I graduate. I am currently trying to earn a degree in Fashion Marketing and Business Management.
My first year of university was pretty amazing. I actually loved it. It wasn't too much work, it was more about getting to know the university and the people, at least that's how I saw it. I lived in student halls. It was my first time ever living without parents. I went to tons of parties in my student halls and my university's club. I went to lots of clubs around London, including a strip club which was possibly one of the most fun nights I've ever had. I met so many people. I went on tons of dates. I met the love of my life who is my husband now. I really enjoyed myself and because I was happy outside of university walls, I also didn't mind being inside them and doing the work. I had to do 4 core subjects which were: Principles and Practise of Marketing, Fashion Concepts and Systems, The Corporate Environment (15 weeks of Economics and 15 weeks of Law) and Fundamentals of Management. I really enjoyed these modules, because I actually had nice lecturers. I think the Law lecturer was the only one I didn't like, but I didn't let that bother me, because I was happy about everything else. I was getting good grades and passed the year with no problems. I did have to do 1 retake, but that was only to boost my grade, I would've passed anyway.
Last year (2015), I started year 2 and I was extremely motivated and excited to get back to university. I went to South Africa for 3 weeks just before the academic year started and my trip there really inspired me to try my hardest. I was studying everyday, however I also took 'healthy lifestyle' on my plate. I needed to cook and plan healthy meals and go to the gym at least 3 times a week with a personal trainer. It was all good. I was losing weight like crazy and I was so happy about it. I lost like 10cm off my waist in 2 weeks. Few weeks into university it was time to start doing the assignments which were group presentations. As I mentioned earlier I wanted to try my hardest and I wanted to get the best grades, so I took all the group work on my shoulders. Basically, I did all the work, wrote scripts for the other members and only asked them to memorise the script. I pushed the gym aside, because I needed to do the assignments and I noticed that I couldn't do the workouts effectively anyway. Due to the stress of the assignments I wasn't eating enough, I was eating healthy, but not enough to give me energy to do the workouts. I noticed that I couldn't perform certain arm exercises as well as I did before and usually when you exercise you get better and stronger, not weaker. Therefore, I kept cancelling my personal training sessions with the excuse that I have to do my assignments. I had 3 presentations and all of them were on the same week. I thought that after doing all the work for the other group members would mean that they would actually appreciate it and memorise the scripts and know them by heart, but nope. The worst part is that they actually came to the presentations reading from the sheets I printed out for them or from their phone. Big chunks of information was not even presented. Furthermore, I also really couldn't stand one of my lecturers. This really got me down, because I ended up getting unsatisfying grades. I pushed my other goals aside to end up with grades worse than I had in the first year when I wasn't even trying, I completely lost interest in University. I didn't even want to attend, so I didn't. I basically didn't attend half of the academic year. I did do my assignments, but they were always done last minute and I didn't even go through what was talked about in the lectures before I attempted them. Funnily, I passed. However, before the academic year was finished, I looked at my grades and I thought to myself 'this is not right'. I don't want to have a shit degree, so I decided to retake the year. Yes. I won't be graduating this academic year, because I'm currently redoing year 2. I still have the shitty lecturer that I didn't like before, but I'm trying to not let it bother me. I learnt from my past mistakes and I'm trying to take a different approach this year and so far I'm doing well.
I was ashamed that I have to retake, therefore I haven't really told anyone. Only my mum and husband knew when I was thinking about what to do. Now, that I'm 2 months into year 2 AGAIN, I realised that I made the right choice and telling people who are in my classes that I'm retaking made me a little more confident in knowing that it is okay to not always succeed in your goals in the time frame you've given yourself, as long as you never give that goal up, learn from your mistakes and always try to improve.

I guess this is more of an introduction to this topic, because I will be talking about it in more detail throughout my other posts with reflections of my progress.

-A

My very first blog post (not really)

I've been thinking about making a blog for the past 2 weeks pretty much nonstop, so here I am.. writing my first post.

I have attempted to blog before, but I never stuck to it, because I based my previous blogs on fashion and beauty. Although I'm fairly passionate about those topics and I could talk about them all the time, blogging about them is not as simple. Anyone who has a fashion or a beauty blog wants followers (those who say they don't are liars) and so did I. In order to have followers you have to have interesting content, consistency, as well as eye pleasing pictures and I just don't have the time for that (I'm proud of those who do). 

A lot has happened in my life in the past year, and recently my life has completely turned upside down.. so I started thinking 'I can't be the only one going through these things'. That's how I came up with the idea to share my struggles (and happy moments) with the world or hopefully at least 1 person. Writing about my daily life and my thoughts on certain issues doesn't take up a lot of time and I don't have to think about taking complementary pictures. Moreover I don't have to pressure myself with a schedule.. I can just post whenever I want to and it can be as easy as just opening the blogger app on my phone. I want this blog to act as my public diary. I will be addressing my struggles with depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, eating disorders, marriage, university, friendships and more. 

-A